he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Someone came in the potted fern
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
