She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
