Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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