Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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