Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
