Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
