I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
