We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
