Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
