end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Randomize
