Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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