it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
do herpes really smell.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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