I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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