i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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