Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
