ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
