just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
