In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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