my mouth tastes like poor choices
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
