I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
