there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
