i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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