pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You can't just leave with hair like that
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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