I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
