I think I just saw someone hide a body.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Randomize
