So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
