You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
