Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
