you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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