possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
