so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
