I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
