the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
