Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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