I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
