I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
