just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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