Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
