ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
