I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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