what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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