Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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