Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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