her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
