What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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