I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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