just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
