Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
