I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
