She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
