everyone is single if you try hard enough
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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